A guide to good manners at the retail counter this holiday season

As the holiday shopping season intensifies across the United States, retail workers are preparing for what many consider the most challenging period of their employment year – a time when customer behavior often deteriorates amid the shopping frenzy.

“It magnifies everything,” explains Nick Leighton, co-host of the etiquette podcast “Were You Raised by Wolves?” alongside comedian Leah Bonnema. “People are stressed, they’re busy, they’re frazzled. When that happens, we tend to forget other people exist.”

The holiday shopping environment – characterized by crowded stores, depleted merchandise, and long checkout lines – creates conditions where patience wears thin and common courtesy often disappears. November and December have traditionally driven the highest retail sales volumes, prompting retailers to hire temporary workers to manage the customer influx. These seasonal employees frequently bear the brunt of shoppers’ frustrations.

Industry analysts note that 2023 could present even greater challenges. Many retailers have indicated plans to reduce seasonal hiring due to economic uncertainty, even as consumer spending is projected to increase compared to last year. This potential imbalance – fewer workers handling more shoppers – raises concerns about additional pressure on retail staff.

“Yelling at a worker isn’t doing anything,” Leighton points out. “Everyone else is busy, too…. Your shopping isn’t more important than the next person’s.”

Etiquette experts suggest that retail behavior often mirrors broader personality traits. Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting in Massachusetts, draws from her own experience working holiday seasons at a Hallmark store before becoming an etiquette consultant.

“We do not pay retail workers to be a therapist, a social worker or a punching bag. It’s not appropriate, and it’s not fair,” Smith emphasizes. She recommends shoppers plan their retail excursions strategically – knowing what they need to purchase, which stores to visit, and when to go. “Set yourself up for success,” she advises. “Bring water or a snack. Do not go hungry.”

Timing can significantly impact the shopping experience. Smith suggests avoiding peak periods like weekends when stores are most congested. “If possible, go on a Wednesday morning when the store opens,” she recommends, noting that weekday mornings typically offer calmer shopping environments with shorter lines and easier parking.

Small gestures can make substantial differences in retail interactions. Smith advocates for making friendly eye contact, offering simple greetings, and using gentle humor to defuse tense situations. “We don’t have control over others’ behavior, but we certainly do over ours,” she notes.

Elizabeth Medeiros, who spent more than 35 years in retail across New York and the Boston area, emphasizes the importance of realistic customer expectations. Shoppers often incorrectly assume store employees control inventory, pricing policies, restocking timelines, and even other customers’ behavior.

“Customers are focused, especially during the holidays,” explains Medeiros, a former district sales manager. “They’re checking off lists and looking for deals, and anything that interferes with that throws them off.”

The holiday season creates challenging working conditions even before customer interactions are factored in. “Everyone is often stretched thin. Breaks get skipped, shifts get extended unexpectedly and six-day workweeks become common,” Medeiros adds.

Smith puts it plainly: “Clerks are not the CEO. Don’t expect someone making hourly wages in December to change a store policy you don’t like.”

Some companies are taking proactive measures to improve customer-employee relations. Delta Airlines, for instance, has launched a “Centennial Cheer” program to encourage kindness by recognizing “100,000 acts of kindness” with Holiday Medallion cards redeemable for gifts.

Adam Lukoskie, executive director of the National Retail Federation Foundation, offers perspective by noting that despite high-profile incidents, most customer interactions remain positive. “In the news you might see a couple of incidents, but most experiences are OK,” he says. “We work hard to provide a high-quality environment.”

The retail industry has invested in training programs to equip workers with skills to handle difficult situations. The foundation’s RISE Up courses, which now reach over 80,000 people annually, teach associates strategies for customer service and help them understand that customer anger is typically directed at problems rather than personnel.

Lukoskie suggests a simple mental framework for shoppers: “Act as if the person helping you is your daughter or son, or your mother or father. Not just someone there to do a task for you.”

As millions of Americans navigate crowded stores this holiday season, this perspective shift – recognizing retail workers as individuals rather than faceless representatives of corporations – could significantly improve the shopping experience for everyone involved.