Nikki Glaser takes swings at CBS and Leo, goes gentle on Julia in Golden Globes monologue

Comedian Nikki Glaser delivered a sharp-edged yet balanced opening monologue at Sunday’s Golden Globes, walking the fine line between biting humor and celebrity roasting that has become her trademark at award shows.

The veteran comedian, hosting the prestigious ceremony for the second consecutive year, opened with several pointed jokes that targeted high-profile attendees and even the broadcast network itself. Glaser immediately set the tone with references to the controversial Epstein Files.

“There are so many A-listers, and by A-listers, I do mean people who are on a list that has been heavily redacted,” she quipped to a mix of nervous laughter and applause. “And the Golden Globe for best editing goes to the Justice Department.”

Glaser then pivoted to criticism of CBS News, the network airing the ceremony, referencing their recent controversy regarding a shelved “60 Minutes” story about the Trump Administration’s immigrant deportation practices to El Salvador.

“The award for most editing goes to CBS News,” she said. “Yes, CBS News: America’s newest place to see BS news.”

Industry insiders noted that Glaser’s willingness to target her own broadcast platform demonstrated the comedian’s commitment to her unfiltered approach, a quality that likely contributed to her quick rehiring after last year’s well-received performance.

Glaser had revealed to The Associated Press earlier in the week that she had considered addressing the Venezuela situation but worried the rapidly developing news cycle might render such jokes outdated by showtime. She also mentioned struggling to craft jokes about beloved actress Julia Roberts, before finding a sideways approach that landed well with the audience.

“Just like the podcasters nominated tonight, I should not be allowed to be this close to Julia Roberts,” Glaser said to appreciative laughter from both Roberts and the star-studded crowd.

The comedian’s rise to award show prominence began after her ruthless performance at Netflix’s roast of Tom Brady, though she has displayed a somewhat gentler touch at the Globes while maintaining her characteristic edge.

No Hollywood award show monologue would be complete without a Leonardo DiCaprio age-gap dating joke, a tradition Glaser both honored and subverted. After making the expected quip about DiCaprio’s romantic partners – “You’ve worked with every great director. You’ve won three Golden Globes and an Oscar, and the most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish all of that before your girlfriend turned 30” – Glaser immediately went meta, apologizing for the obvious punchline.

“Leo, I’m sorry I made that joke, it’s cheap. You know what, I tried not to, but like, we don’t know anything else about you, man. Like, there’s nothing else, like open up!” Her self-awareness earned an even bigger laugh than the original joke, with DiCaprio himself visibly enjoying the moment.

“Marty Supreme” star and eventual winner Timothée Chalamet wasn’t spared either, as Glaser focused on his slender physique: “He’s the first actor in history to have to put on muscle for a movie about ping pong. This is true. He gained over 60 ounces.”

Later in the show, Glaser stood among the audience for a comedic breakdown of the ballroom’s seating arrangement. “To my right are the tables for ‘Hamnet,’ ‘All Her Fault’ and ‘Bugonia,'” she observed, “an area we’re calling ‘traumatized woman alley.’ We’ll never find out where ‘traumatized men alley’ is because they’re not allowed to tell us.”

In a callback to last year’s performance where she merged “Wicked” and “Conclave” into a parody song, Glaser attempted another musical bit involving “Marty Supreme” and “KPop Demon Hunters,” before being playfully interrupted by actress Fran Drescher, who told her in her iconic nasal voice, “You have to stop singing, your voice is so annoying.”

The evening featured a moment of role reversal when filmmaker Judd Apatow took aim at Glaser while presenting the best director award. “Nikki Glaser used to be our babysitter,” Apatow revealed. “That’s true. She was our babysitter. And she’s like, ‘I do standup comedy.’ And then I went online to watch her set and it was all about smoking reefer and having weird sex and then she stopped being our babysitter.”

This second successful hosting gig cements Glaser’s position as one of the industry’s go-to performers for major award shows, combining the ability to deliver sharp commentary while maintaining the celebratory atmosphere expected at Hollywood’s prestigious ceremonies.