Office holiday parties can be dreadful for introverts and people with social anxiety

For many people who identify as introverts or experience social anxiety, holiday work parties can be a source of dread rather than celebration. The pressure to appear festive, navigate office politics, and engage in small talk can transform what should be enjoyable gatherings into stress-inducing obligations.

Ryan Arnold, now 46, still vividly recalls a holiday party from two decades ago where coworkers passed around a beer-filled glass boot while the office manager belted out power ballads between whiskey shots. “I don’t want to go into a place where I experience things I can’t unsee,” said Arnold, who describes himself as socially anxious and now carefully considers invitations to group gatherings.

The tension between professional obligations and personal comfort becomes particularly acute during the holiday season, when workplace celebrations often include cocktail hours, gift exchanges, and other organized social activities that can feel overwhelming for those who aren’t naturally gregarious.

“Some people are just not party people,” explains Laura MacLeod, a social work professor at City University of New York. “With a workplace holiday party, there’s a pressure to be very happy and excited. It’s the end of the year, it’s the holidays, we’re all feeling grand. And maybe people are not really feeling that grand.”

The presence of alcohol at many work functions further complicates matters by blurring professional boundaries. MacLeod, who founded a consulting company called From the Inside Out Project that trains managers on workplace relationships, notes that this ambiguity can increase discomfort for those already feeling anxious.

Mental health experts suggest several strategies for navigating these social waters. First, dress for comfort while respecting the event’s dress code. “If it’s not your thing to wear five- or six-inch heels, just because it’s a holiday party, don’t do it,” advises MacLeod. “If you want flat shoes, wear flat shoes.”

Timing can also make a difference. Arriving early when crowds are smaller can ease the transition into the social environment. Rather than standing along the walls where self-consciousness can increase, position yourself in the center of the room where conversations flow more naturally and you have more options for engagement.

For those feeling particularly anxious, it’s perfectly acceptable to make a brief appearance. MacLeod suggests a simple exit strategy: “I just wanted to come and be sure to wish everybody happy holidays… I’ve got some family things I have to handle tonight, so this is a quick stop for me.”

Preparation can significantly reduce anxiety. Andrea Taylor, a psychologist at UTHealth Houston, recommends thinking of conversation topics in advance and asking open-ended questions about colleagues’ holiday plans or interests outside work. She emphasizes that responses don’t need to be perfect—simple acknowledgments like “That sounds interesting” or “I’m not the bungee jumping type” can keep conversation flowing while maintaining authenticity.

For intimidating interactions with senior leadership, brevity works well. A simple “Thank you for organizing this. It’s been a great year, and I hope you and your family have a lovely holiday” allows for polite engagement without prolonged discomfort.

Taylor also addresses the fear of awkward silences, noting that pauses in conversation are natural and not solely one person’s responsibility to fill. Sometimes acknowledging the awkwardness—”This is awkward because we’re so used to talking about work things”—can actually ease tension.

Finding allies at events can provide crucial support. Carla Pruitt, a business development associate who works remotely for engineering company ENFRA, says her social anxiety has increased during her five years of remote work. At company gatherings, she seeks out fellow parents or pet lovers. “I can talk about my dog all day,” she notes.

Pruitt feels more comfortable when her husband accompanies her and appreciates when outgoing attendees make an effort to include those standing on the sidelines. “Look for the people in the room that might be standing off to the side and approach them,” she suggests. “It means so much to them.”

For those debating whether to attend holiday functions, Taylor offers an encouraging perspective: facing anxiety rather than avoiding it can lead to a sense of accomplishment. “It’s possible to feel anxious and still do things,” she says. “And actually, once we do that, we tend to walk away from that with a feeling of accomplishment and self-efficacy.”

Arnold, now the owner of public relations firm DeSoto & State Communications, has developed his own criteria for accepting holiday invitations. He evaluates each one based on specific benefits, knowing that large gatherings drain his “social battery.” As a non-drinker, he’s less inclined to attend events centered around alcohol.

“I would, nine times out of 10, much rather hang with my books and my wife,” he admits, highlighting that for many introverts, the most comfortable holiday celebration might simply be the one that never makes it onto their calendar.