Relationships at Risk: Happiness Expert Warns of Destructive Toxic Behavior

In a world where the pursuit of happiness often drives human behavior, finding the right balance between positive and negative emotions is crucial for overall well-being, according to behavioral scientist and happiness expert Arthur Brooks.

Brooks, a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School in Cambridge, Massachusetts, emphasizes that happiness and unhappiness serve distinct but equally important functions in our lives. “They are actually processed in different hemispheres of the brain, and you need both,” he explained in a recent interview.

The happiness expert stressed the complementary roles these emotional states play. “You need to have a lot of happiness such that you can have a good life, and you need unhappiness because it’s a signal that there are things out there you need to be paying attention to,” Brooks said. He added with stark clarity, “If you never had any negative emotions, you’d be dead in a week. That’s the truth of the matter.”

For individuals who experience negative emotions more intensely—often described as having “high negative affect”—learning to manage these feelings in healthy ways becomes particularly important. Brooks warns against common but destructive coping mechanisms that many people resort to when facing difficult emotions.

Among the unhealthy approaches to managing negative feelings, Brooks identified substance use, technological distractions, and perhaps most insidiously, workaholism. “Like scrolling Instagram and looking at these platforms, just trying to get out of your head, not being in the moment to distract yourself from things that are actually bothering you,” he noted about digital escapes.

Workaholism represents an especially dangerous pattern, according to Brooks. “Most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life that they don’t like,” he explained. The expert observed that many work-addicted individuals find comfort in their professional competence, using it as an escape. “They know they’re super good at work… and they can get into kind of a zone when they’re working, and they don’t think about the things they don’t want to be thinking about. That’s where workaholism generally comes from.”

Contrary to popular belief, Brooks noted that excessive work is rarely imposed by employers in today’s workplace environment. “There are very few workaholics today who are required by a boss to work too much,” he said, though acknowledging this can occur. More frequently, the drive comes from within. “Most workaholics are their own tyrannical bosses,” Brooks emphasized.

The consequences of work addiction extend far beyond professional burnout. Brooks delivered a sobering assessment of how it affects personal connections: “There’s never been a workaholic who had functional relationships.” The pattern can damage bonds with spouses, parents, and children, creating rifts that may prove difficult to heal.

For those caught in this cycle, Brooks recommends introspection. He encourages individuals who sense their excessive work is “hurting” their relationships to ask themselves, “Why am I actually doing that?” This self-awareness represents the first step toward healthier coping strategies.

Instead of numbing anxiety or negative thoughts through work or unhealthy distractions, Brooks advocates for evidence-based approaches to managing difficult emotions. “You need to do something to manage anxiety in a more productive way,” he advised.

Among the most effective methods for mood management, Brooks highlighted two particular practices: physical activity and spiritual connection. “The two best ways for you to manage your anxiety — get in touch with your faith or spirituality and go pick up heavy things and run around,” he recommended.

Exercise and spiritual practices offer substantial benefits beyond momentary relief. “Physical activity and exercise and spiritual activity… They’re a heck of a lot better for your mental health, including your relationships,” Brooks concluded.

As society continues to grapple with increasing rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout, Brooks’s insights provide valuable guidance for those seeking healthier approaches to emotional well-being—reminding us that addressing rather than avoiding negative emotions may be the key to genuine happiness.